


can't wait to go home when only scars remain

by tolvsmol



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic, Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: M/M, idk how to tag that??, not sure how graphic it'll get tbh, possibly slowburn idk yet we'll see how slow, this is basically a tfc grisha au, you're gonna watch neil and andrew fall in love again (shocker!!)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-07 00:51:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10348680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tolvsmol/pseuds/tolvsmol
Summary: inspired by a prompt from tumblr user @mortdeheros: The Foxes are a gang in Ketterdam, Neil is a Grisha fleeing,





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title from ed sheeran's "castle on the hill" and "save myself"

The streets were deadly quiet the night Nathaniel left everything behind – his life, his family, his very name. His father was asleep when Nathaniel climbed down the window of his small, cramped closet of a room. The cold air bit harshly at his skin, froze his bones through the thin cotton of his shirt, but Nathaniel didn’t dare turn back to the slightly warmth of his home.

_ Not anymore _ , he told himself. It was no longer his home – if it ever had been. Now it was just the place that would get him killed, or worse. Finally, finally, after years of hiding it, his father knew the truth about him and his mother was nowhere to be found. He knew, somewhere deep in his core, that she would be dead soon. He’d seen the look on her face when they took her away, when his father just  _ let _ them take her. He remembered the way her frantic eyes found him cowering around the corner, the word she mouthed at him.

_ Run. RUN. _

Nathaniel knew he would be next. As soon as he returned home, he knew his father would test him, make him do things he should not be able to do. And then he would give Nathaniel away to the monsters straight out of his nightmares – the ones who manipulate people like Nathaniel, the ones who torture and kill.

But Nathaniel would not let that happen. His mother had told him to run and he would spend his entire life running if it meant he could stay alive and honor her mother’s last command.

So he ran. Through the icy night, looking over his shoulder at every shadow and every sound, Nathaniel ran. He slept under bridges, under the small bit of shelter provided by a balcony, in the remote alleys of Ketterdam. After what felt like years, Geldin District was far, far away and Nathaniel was now roaming the streets home to the Foxes, and though he didn’t know it, yet, he felt the change in atmosphere almost immediately. There was something. . . unforgiving in the air, something harsh and brutal. Something watchful. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on ends, paranoia taking over and sending his heart racing.

_ This is okay _ , he told himself.  _ I can get a job here and I can change my name and get someone to tailor me. I can be safe here. He won’t find me _ .

He didn’t know, then, that Nathan Wesninski was the last of his problems in the Barrel. Just as Nathaniel heard the soft footsteps behind him, a hooded figure stepped out of the shadows of an alley on his right.

_ Run _ , was his first thought. But as he stared at those cold eyes, and felt another person a foot behind him, he knew that running would do him no good. Without knowing who these people were and what could possibly want from him, Nathaniel knew one thing: coming here had been a mistake. He might have gotten away from his father and survived, but he had a sickening feeling that he would have two different knives gutting him before he could even take a single step.  

Nathaniel spared a glance to the skies, to the stars shining above him, and called to his mother for help.

* * *

 

Neil was awake – he  _ was _ – when ice hit him and he sprang up from his spot. Blinking hard and sputtering, he found himself looking into those golden eyes he knew so well now. An empty glass dangled from one of Andrew’s hands, leftover drops of water falling to the floor. “What?” Neil asked, more than a bit disgruntled. 

“You have one job,” Andrew reminded him. “Stay awake enough to do it.”

Neil was aware of his job. He was the first one to see Andrew’s imposter on a street near the university, strolling alongside a woman who looked alarmingly like Andrew. For a moment Neil had been frozen, not having a slightest idea why Andrew was walking with a woman none of them knew. And then it clicked – the man on the street was  _ not _ Andrew; he just  _ looked _ like Andrew in every way: the same blinding hair, the same pale skin, the same small stature. He wasn’t Andrew, but he certainly would intrigue Andrew. Allison had agreed. 

So here he was, waiting for Renee. Truth be told, he’d barely gotten any sleep the night before. How could he have, when he spent most of the night listening to Andrew blabber and then following a merch? But now his body was starting to protest, which was absolutely unacceptable, because he had an entire day ahead of him. “I  _ am  _ awake,” he snapped at Andrew. 

Andrew stared at him for a moment longer before turning his back on Neil and walking away. Neil watched him and considered taking off his shoe and chucking it at Andrew’s head, but decided his life was too valuable for him to waste it on Andrew. Instead, he took off his drenched shirt and found another one. By the time he returned, Renee was waiting for him, having already cleaned the spill. “Thanks,” Neil told her. 

She shrugged. They left the Creek. 

Renee stayed hidden from view, dancing from roof to roof while Neil stayed on the ground. Neil didn’t know how Renee learned to be so good at scaling buildings and handling blades, but the girl was probably the most dangerous of the foxes – after Andrew, that was. When the two of them had found Neil that night, Neil had known he could either try to make a break for his life and die, or he could stay put and try to figure out what they wanted from him – and still possibly die. But he stayed, because the idea that he could stay with them, that maybe he could become a part of whatever they were, that he could leave Nathaniel behind was exhilarating. He had no guarantee, of course, that he would survive, but he could take that chance. He was far enough away from his merchant father and he knew the man would never step foot in the Barrel, would never dream of his son ending up here. 

Andrew hadn’t been keen on accepting Neil; he knew there was something Neil wasn’t telling them and he was right. Whatever questions Andrew asked him, Neil responded to them with half truths or blatant lies. 

_ “Why are you running?” _ Andrew had asked. 

_ “My father wants to kill me,” _ Neil had said. It wasn’t a lie. Neil trusted his mother, he knew there was a reason she told him to run. He knew the reason was his father. When Andrew had asked Neil about his mother, he’d given an answer only part of him hoped was a lie:  _ “She’s dead.”  _ Because the truth was, a dead grisha in the hands of the Fjerden was better than a live one these days, and Neil was certain that was where his father had intended for her to go. Neil hoped for her sake that she either killed every single soldier or died trying. 

He didn’t know what made Andrew take him in – if it was his badly tailored appearance, if it was his vulnerability and desperation, or if it was something else entirely. But even today Neil could hear Andrew’s voice clear as day when he told Neil, “You live and breathe by my rules. You step out of line and I will kill you.”

For a while, Neil had been careful to heed the warning, but recently he had taken that line, painted himself a nice fancy bridge over it, and strolled to the other side. Andrew had told him to stick with Kevin and keep an eye on him one night; Neil had purposely lost sight of Kevin after getting in a pointless argument. Neil was certain that would be the end of his life when Andrew found out, but Andrew had simply stared at him for a long moment, his expression blank and eyes unreadable. The only thing he’d said to Neil was, “You do that again and I will carve off the skin from your body.” Nothing in his tone suggested it was a joke. 

Andrew’s imposter stepping out of the university jarred Neil out of his thoughts and he glanced up to see that Renee had disappeared. Smart girl. This might’ve been Andrew’s business (again), but this time it affected all of them. They couldn’t afford to make mistakes. So Neil sent up a silent prayer and hoped he wasn’t about to ruin everything they’d so carefully planned. 


	2. Chapter 2

Renee said she was able to knock Andrew’s lookalike unconscious without him or anyone else noticing; Neil didn’t doubt her claim or her skill, he simply thought the man _had_ to notice someone trying to knock him out. Or, maybe, he was just more perceptive than most men. Neil wondered how daft this guy must be to follow Renee after hearing only a few words from her that she had nothing to support with. Nonetheless, here they were.

Neil stood by the doorway of the Creek’s basement, flanked by Renee on his right. Andrew was standing just outside; Neil could almost practically sense his presence.  He watched as Allison dropped some cold water on the man who looked like Andrew. She untied the gag covering mouth, but left his arms and legs bound. They waited as he slowly came to his senses and took in his surroundings – the dimly lit room, cool tiled floor, three people he did not know.

Meanwhile, Neil watched him; the man looked like someone had taken Andrew and made an identical mold of him. He had the same bright yellow hair as Andrew, the same golden eyes, the same calculating glint in them that Neil so often saw in Andrew. But there was something different, too. Andrew’s pale skin was always clear, unblemished. The person sitting in front of Neil had a sprinkling of bruises on the right side of his face, his knuckles split and scarred. Neil filed that detail for later because, at that moment, Andrew’s lookalike spoke up. “Who are you?”

“Let us ask the questions,” Allison said. For all intents and purposes, Allison could have passed for his sister, what with her cold eyes and bright hair. It was the better part of a foot she had on him that made it clear they weren’t siblings. “Who are _you_?”

He didn’t answer right away. It was smart, thought Neil, to test the waters, to see how little he could give of himself before getting the hell out of this place. A shame, thought Neil, that leaving this place without satisfying Andrew was not an option for this unfortunate soul, especially when this man shared the same face as Andrew. “I’m Aaron,” he said finally.

“And how long have you lived in Ketterdam, Aaron?” Allison sounded calm, collected, but Neil could smell the danger lurking underneath the façade.

“My whole life.”

His whole life. And still none of the Foxes had seen him all this time.

“Do you have a brother?” Renee asked. “Perhaps one your own age?”

There was no recognition in Aaron’s eyes, no recollection, no fear. Nothing. Just a slightly confused haze. “I’m an only child,” he said. The statement sounded more like a question, and Neil wondered if he was telling the truth.

“Think again,” Andrew’s indifferent voice cut in before he stepped in the room from behind Neil. Neil didn’t know whether to look at Aaron or Andrew; they were both the same, yet different beyond the obvious things. Andrew looked almost bored, though Neil knew he was anything but. Aaron looked like he was about to turn out the contents of his stomach. He stared at Andrew without blinking, his mouth agape as though he was going to say something, but no words came out. “Interesting that you managed to stay under the radar for so long.”

Andrew glanced at Allison in what was clearly a dismissal; she left.

Still, Aaron said nothing. He continued to stare at Andrew in complete bewilderment.

“It speaks, or was that just my imagination?” Andrew mused out loud.

“You’re Andrew,” whispered Aaron at last, or so Neil thought, as the words were barely intelligible.

At the sound of his name coming from this stranger’s mouth – from someone who should not have known him, let alone his name – Andrew froze. Neil was sure Aaron missed it; he didn’t know Andrew well enough to notice the nuances – like Andrew’s fingers curling into a fist, the slight tightening of his shoulders, the utter stillness that came over him.

“How would you know who I am?” he said quietly.

“Mom talks about you sometimes,” Aaron said. Then he backtracked. “Not _you_ , but she talks about an Andrew. A brother I had. Who died.” But Andrew was right there in front of them all still very much alive and breathing. Aaron realized this. “You didn’t, though. You got lost. Or she gave you up. I don’t know. But you’re not dead.”

“Keen observation,” was Andrew’s only comment.

Neil’s mind was reeling and he could only imagine what was going through Andrew’s head. He hadn’t known anything about his parents; he had no idea he’d shared the womb with another person – a person sitting helplessly right in front of him for the first time.

Without turning to look at either Neil or Renee, Andrew said, “You can both leave.”

* * *

 

                No one knew what Andrew and Aaron talked about, but soon after that day, Aaron became an unchallenged part of the Foxes. He wasn’t entirely welcomed (because none of them had any reason to trust him with anything), but the Foxes accepted him as one of them because that’s what Andrew told them.

                Neil had more pressing problems than Andrew and his newfound brother.

                His father knew he was alive and he was looking for Neil. With his money and his resources, it would only be a matter of time before someone walked right up to Neil and dragged him back to Geldin District. He could tell Andrew the truth, he could admit he was a runaway grisha hiding in plain sight from his merchant father who’d gotten his mother killed after finding out about her abilities. And he would do the same to Neil – or worse. He knew the Fjerden were recruiting grisha for their army meant to annihilate grisha, and he knew that Heartrenders were of the utmost value in this war. He couldn’t afford to be found, to go back.

                So he continued to dye his hair a dull brown and keep his powers undetected. It was difficult at times, when someone undermined him or threatened him, to not squeeze the air from their throats. But he reigned it in. it would do no good to him if the Foxes found out the truth about him, that he was a grisha – the very kind people they wanted nothing to do with.

                Except Kevin. Kevin was a powerful grisha, more power than Neil ever remembered seeing, and for some reason he was here. Neil didn’t know what deal Andrew and Kevin had concocted, because Andrew almost never let the man out of his sight, but there was definitely something there, some promise Kevin needed to deliver on. There was no other reason for Andrew to extend his protection to a grisha hiding from his captors.

                _I’ll leave_ , Neil promised himself. _I’ll leave before he can hurt anyone else._

                Nathan Wesninski would not lay a finger on the people Neil had come to care for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, leave a comment and kudos! feel free to hmu on tumblr @audreil!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! leave a kudos and a comment, and feel free to hmu on tumblr @audreil!


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